Rose Horowitch stirred conversation in The Atlantic when film professors reported many students don’t watch assigned films to the end and often don’t know how they finish. As Jordan Ruimy put it, growing up on smartphones, YouTube, TikTok and infinite scroll has created “an ecosystem designed to destroy sustained attention.” Asking students to sit through a two-hour French New Wave film without stimulation can feel like a marathon.
I sympathize with professors’ frustration — but maybe there’s a chance to meet students where they are by handing out quick, memorable alternate endings for classics. Write these down:
– The Godfather: Michael Corleone decides organized crime isn’t for him and converts the family’s olive oil business into the Corleone Knitting and Yarn Shop of Brattleboro, Vermont. Slogan: “Make them a sweater they can’t refuse!”
– Casablanca: Ilsa lets Victor Laszlo take the plane to Lisbon alone, then tells Rick on the tarmac, “I don’t need either of you to validate me.” She saunters into Rick’s nightclub and orders the band, “Play ‘Roar.’ Play it!”
– The Wizard of Oz: Dorothy wakes in Kansas after the tornado and calls Emerald City a dream. Her doctor blames cough syrup. “May cause drowsiness, nausea, and visions of a Tin Woodsman, Scarecrow, and Cowardly Lion,” the label reads.
– The Seven Samurai: The hired warriors grow weary of roaming to fight bandits. They recommend, “Just install a security system.”
– E.T.: The gentle extraterrestrial botanist teaches about life and love, then is taken into custody by Immigration and Customs Enforcement and sent to a temporary facility in the Ozarks.
– Titanic: Jack and Rose share the same floating door but their combined weight is too much. Rose shoves Jack back into the water. “Sorry, buddy,” she says. “You’re on a Third-Class ticket. Go catch a ride on a mackerel!”
If nothing else, these endings are short, shareable, and impossible to forget — perfect for attention spans built on bites and scrolls.