When I returned to work after parental leave I sat at my desk, logged on—and quietly sobbed until my first meeting. The mix of guilt about leaving my child, anxiety about picking up my job and the sheer exhaustion of managing both roles felt crushing.
That shock is common. Amy Beacom, founder and CEO of the Center for Parental Leave Leadership, says new parents are often “learning two new roles fast, under a lot of pressure with lack of sleep, zero guidance and zero support.” For many, especially mothers, the return is complicated by limited national policies; the U.S. lacks federal paid parental leave, and some studies have found a significant share of women go back to work very soon after giving birth.
If you’re preparing to go back or already back at work, there are concrete steps to make the transition easier.
Make work work for you
Many returning parents assume schedules and expectations are fixed. But employers generally want productive, engaged employees and may be open to adjustments. Consider these practical moves:
– Map out what a successful first day, week and month would look like, and, if possible, share a reentry plan with your manager before you return.
– Arrange a short check-in while you’re still on leave so expectations stay aligned and you feel less blindsided.
– Think about coming back mid-week. It gives you a gentler reentry: a chance to clear messages and settle in before a full week.
– Negotiate small schedule changes—shifting start times, compressing hours, or aligning your day with another time zone—so commutes and childcare fit more smoothly.
Often workplaces are only as flexible as you ask them to be. Identify what would make your life easier and propose it clearly.
Let “good” be “good enough”
Parenting changes how you use your time and attention. Brain researcher Darby Saxbe notes that the added complexity of parenting can force greater efficiency and discipline—but it also means you can’t do everything at the same level as before.
If you feel overwhelmed, lower some standards deliberately. There are no medals for perfect homemade meals or answering every late-night email. Reshma Saujani of Moms First suggests separating essentials from “gold stars” and being honest about which pressures are self-imposed.
Be patient with yourself. The brain and body shift to prioritize caregiving, and research indicates it can take months—or even a couple of years—to feel fully like your former self. Treat this as a transitional season rather than a failure.
A final note
You don’t have to do it in silence. Talk with your manager, lean on other parents, and accept small adjustments that make daily life manageable. If you want to share your experience or ask questions, you can leave a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email [email protected].
Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and follow @nprlifekit on Instagram for more tips and conversations about balancing work and parenthood.